Ups and downs

This weekend I was at a game festival and I had a lot of fun and lots of new experiences. What I didn't have lots of, though, is candy, and I'm SO proud of myself for that! I go to this festival almost every year, and foodwise I did a great job compared to other years. One year I lived almost entirely on cheez doodles (they sold supersize ones and I'm a sucker for those cheesy devils). My goal for this year was to maintain my weight throughout the weekend (I knew better than to hope for a weight loss!), and I'm happy to report that my weight today is the same as it was on Friday. :)

How did I do it? I think it came down to planning. I planned my main meals in advance and brought a chicken pasta salad with me the first day. Since I wasn't staying at home, I had to settle for the less than healthy warm food they sold. Mainly hamburger and toasts, not the most healthy things to eat. But I did bring diet bars as alternatives to smaller meals. I wish the stores would sell more dinner stuff that can be eaten cold, then I could have avoided the worst calorie traps alltogether.

Another accomplishment was that even though I was sleep deprived and tired to the bone when the festivities ended, I did manage to squeeze in a level 3 session none the less. It was HARD though, my legs felt like jelly, I had to take lots of breaks and I was totally beat afterwards. But it's the effort that counts, right? 

On the down side, even though I've been really good this last month, I'm only down 0.4 kg and that bugs me. I have a body media fit that tells me how much calories I use throughout the day, and I log all my food. For this, I've calculated that I should be down 2 kg, which is a much more respectable number.

It feels really unfair when you've put in so much hard work yet you're not rewarded. Yes, I know that I'm probably healthier now than I was a month ago. And more fit. But still, no matter how important those things are, I still want that scale to move! I yearn to see myself getting closer and closer to my dream body. Right now all my goals feel unattainable and that's never good. I can keep going a while longer on faith that things will turn around, but each week the scale refuses to budge it gets a little harder to keep going.

The worst part is that I feel like I'm doing good, so I'm not sure what to do differently. Maybe add some more cardio? I'm planning to start C25K soon, hopefully that will shake my body up from its routine. Until the scale starts to cooperate again, I'll just have to focus on the positive things I HAVE achieved. After all, the habits I'm learning now are for life, so there's no quitting!

Good news, bad news and motivation?

Well, I've changed my mind about Tanita. I now officially HATE it! (split personality? me? No, I'm sure you're thinking about one of the other me's :P). I had my weekly weigh-in today. The scale showed 0.4 kg down and I was feeling pleased with myself. That is, right up until the point where I started punching in all those other numbers, and found out that I had GAINED 0.25 kg of pure fat since last week! :(


Now I'm in a bad mood. So much for motivation! I have to say I doubt it, though. When I sneak weighed-in a couple of days ago, Tanita said I had lost 0.3 kg of fat. So that would have to mean that I have gained 0.5 kg of fat in a couple of days, while eating much less calories than I should. Sounds unlikely.

I guess Tanita isn't as trustworthy as I thought. And that I'll have to look at the longer trends, and not from week to week. I know, I know, it's what everyone says you should do. It's pretty annoying, though, as I bought this thing specifically to be motivated on a weekly basis. I bought it so that when my weight wasn't moving, I could still see a difference. And here my weight IS going down, and Tanita makes me lose my motivation. Oh, the irony!

Here are my stats this week:

Weight: 80.7 kg (down 0.4)
Fat percentage: 40.5% (up .5)
Fat in kg: 32,562 (up .25)
Muscle mass in kg: 11,3104 (down .1)
Muscle fitness level: 3 (no change) (higher is better, my goal is 8)
Visceral fit:7 (no change) (lower is better)
Base metabolism in kcal: 1490 (down 16)

I can see that this obsession with those numbers isn't very good. I went from being happy to miserable in no time. Now, I'm thinking "what's the point" and "I'm never gonna make it so I might just as well pig out". I'll really have to work on my motivation today!

Well, at least there is a good lesson in there somewhere: Don't use external factors that you can't control as motivation. But it is SO hard! How much I weight is a very tangible goal. And the fact that I've done really good this week, made mostly healthy choices, it's all a means to reach my weight goal. I know I'll get a healthier body in the end, but I also want assurance that I'll reach a healthy weight! Is there anyone out there who's cracked this and found good ways of motivating? In that case, please share the secret!