When I look back at my post from a couple of days ago, where I naively thought that the golf class would be a couple of days of resting (from the 30DS), I have to laugh. My body has been aching all over throughout this weekend! Even though my golfing experience didn't include any cardio, I wouldn't call it resting either. I've been using muscles I didn't know existed, but I had a lot of fun. For a while, anyways, until we got to the actual game.
Turns out, I suck at golf. That wasn't a problem when we were all practicing by ourselves, but by the time we were trying out our newfound abilities in the field, it was also pretty obvious that I suck at losing, too. I HATE feeling so inferior! It just brings forth so many (not so) deeply buried feelings of self loathing. I know I have to start working through my perfectionism and other problems before they overwhelm me, and before they turn into binge eating, lethargy and weight gain. I've been there before, and I'm certainly not going back there now that I'm slowly but steadily losing weight and getting a grip.
On a more positive note, I did level 3 of the 30 day shred for the very first time today, and I MADE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH! :D (thankfully, that helped a little with my sore self esteem). It is hard, and I had to take breaks and do some modifications, but I didn't have the same feeling of wanting to die as I had when I first completed level 2. I don't know if that's because I was more mentally prepared this time around, or if level 2 was so hard for me because of all the planking, and I've gotten (somewhat) used to that.
Whatever the reason, I'm super happy with myself for completing, and for actually doing it today. Because I was sore all over from golfing, I nearly skipped the workout alltogether. However, I know I'll have little time for shredding this week, and so I had to do it when I had the time, ready or not. I'm very proud of that decision, because it's not that long ago that I would have used any excuse to avoid exercising. It just shows that I HAVE come a long way, and I AM improving, although I still have a long way to go.
Now, I'm trying to focus on my accomplishments and not on my failures. And I've also decided to keep on golfing. It would be so easy to quit, but then I wouldn't get to see the improvements I can make. And golfing is a good way to get some light exercise. So I'm going to face my demons and keep on going!